This winter continues to be hard on my mental health, and it is so easy for me to get discouraged.
Yesterday I thought I was starting to get some vigor back.
I was at work getting really fired up about the need to promote human flourishing rather than squeezing out more productivity.
I had almost three hours of feeling on fire and ready to take on the world.
Then...I crashed.
By the time I got home in the evening, I felt like I'd run a mental/emotional marathon. I felt emptied out with nothing to offer.
And I could feel the discouragement creeping in.
But if God has been teaching me anything this winter, it is that I'm not made for discouragement.
I'm made for God.
He is master and Lord. My weakness can serve Him as much as my strength.
So I brought myself to Him, discouragement and all.
I talked to Him about how hard the winter has been. I told Him how frustrating it is to start getting hopeful that I'm "back to normal" and then find myself worn out within a few hours or days.
I told about my big ideas, and how I freeze up as soon as I gear up to tackle them.
I told Him that I'm starting to feel like a fool and a fraud when I do so much talking and so little doing.
And I asked Him if I'd be broken forever.
I asked Him why He built me so weak, yet with so much desire.
I asked Him what His plan are for all my weakness and all my greatness.
I ended by telling Him that I love Him.
That He is my Lord, and I am His little one.
I told Him that He made me and He makes me, He knows the path for me.
That I want His ways and not my ways.
I told Him that if His gifts to me are weakness and tiredness, I accept.
I told Him that I trust Him, and that He is the only way for me.
Then I told Him one more time that I love Him. He is my Hope and my secret Joy.
Then I went to sleep.
What a good life.
Let's be Saints!
Isaac